Carolyn Hidalgo, Professional Life Coach
When Mothers on Fire asked me to write my success story I thought, “but I haven’t achieved my success yet”! Then it occurred to me that I was defining success from the tangible end place of “I did it”, not recognizing that I am finally on the path doing what matters to me. How often had I read that it’s all about enjoying the journey not the destination! It’s about living my life in all areas - mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally so I am at my best, and can truly enjoy giving back.
I recently completed one of my personal goals to become a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) through the Coaches Training Institute (CTI) while juggling my family life. I have launched my own coaching practice (personal and corporate) and also work with a few extraordinary coaches sharing ideas and developing programs. I experienced the excitement of seeing our combined efforts develop into our first corporate client! I marvel at the impact coaching is making in the lives of my clients.
MOF: What made you decide to start this journey?
Carolyn: I ended up pursuing the stability of a chartered accounting profession, choosing to let go of my original passion and specialist degree in psychology. When my son was born and I became a mom, my priorities changed and I knew the world of crunching numbers was no longer for me. But there was something else I was searching for in addition to being a mother. Less than two years later, my twin girls arrived, and in the midst of one of the busiest times in my life I met Sandra (of Mothers on Fire) who asked me to join a Life Coaching group. Little did we know of the transformational life experience we were about to embark upon over the next few years.
MOF: What inspired you to do this?
Carolyn: I slowly began to discover what mattered to me, my strengths, what I was passionate about and the obstacles that held me back. I started to identify my values, and what I was willing to stand for including healthy eating, exercise and deeper connections with family and friends. Seeing the positive changes began slowly, but each step led to another step and I began learning how to create my own life living true to my values.
MOF: How do you make it work with kids?
Carolyn: The answer lies in who I was BECOMING when I did the inner work to define my values and what mattered to me. I had huge insights and discovered the limiting beliefs about myself that held me back from creating new ways of living my life. It sounds easy, but can you write down your top 10 values that you live by or do you know what your unique strengths are? I discovered I am a connector, it is energizing being with people, and bringing people together. Once you begin getting a strong sense of who you are BEING, you can start DOING what you need to make it all work with kids. We tend to look to others who are successful and wonder how they are DOING it all. But the question is “Who are they BEING in order to be living that successful life?” not realizing that you are seeing who they had to become to get there.
MOF: Can you provide some examples?
Carolyn: I believed that it was my responsibility to take care of my children's needs and manage our home as a stay at home mom because that's what my mother did raising the 6 of us. Some of my inner dialogue went like this "I only have 3 kids - how hard could this be?" and “my husband is working hard to support us financially, so he doesn't have time to take care of the kids". I had let go of these limiting beliefs to see what I valued: a more shared parental involvement with our children. It became – what can he do, not what shouldn’t he be doing. Soon he was helping out in the mornings, connecting with our kids, and getting home earlier for dinner. I cannot even tell you what a difference that made in our lives!
We never had a teenage babysitter growing up because my mom took care of us (inner dialogue "I shouldn’t need a babysitter if I'm home all day"). I also heard my mom saying “you are the best person to take care of your own children". These limiting beliefs prevented me from getting any help, but once I worked through my own fear of giving the responsibility of my children to a teenager it was amazing. I had my babysitter come over during that witching hour before dinnertime, and she and my kids had a blast playing! I then started leaving her for short periods to pick up groceries, by myself. The kids had fun and it gave me a much needed break to re-energize. A total win win for all of us.
MOF: What was your biggest obstacle?
Carolyn: The most difficult part was following my own “inner knowing” despite growing up in an environment where doing what was practical and well- established was the norm. I had to learn what it meant to follow my heart and in the process let go of my own limiting beliefs about what was possible. I no longer rush around "doing" the demands of life. Instead I am truly enjoying and appreciating my life - living, laughing, and sometimes crying with more patience, and understanding that allows me to truly enjoy the moments. In moving towards my own goals, desires, and dreams, I can see others changing around me. Within my own small world, I am “being the change I wish to see in the world” ~Gandhi.
MOF: What did you learn?
Carolyn: I learned how important it is to understand who you are first before you can figure out what you want. Before I discovered coaching my life felt blessed, happy, and fulfilled. But until I began doing my own inner work, I was unaware of what I was "putting up with". With the support of a life coach I was able to stretch outside my comfort zone, and change my thoughts, emotions and energy to profoundly impact my life.It takes work and a commitment to yourself, which can feel selfish to a lot of people. But making changes requires a desire to grow even if it feels scary and uncomfortable. I can say firsthand the impact to your life is transformational!
