E-Zine

What Are You Really Hungry For? by Lisa Garber

Who out there has not struggled with food, weight or body image?

I cannot count how many women and mothers I have coached over the years who have had issues with how they looked. I understand it. I have the same issues. As a coach, I am often puzzled as to how to guide someone to a breakthrough. And that is because, when I work on a change of perspective around weight and body issues, my clients do not want to go there. They are convinced that more dieting, more exercise, more self-contempt and kicking themselves will solve their problems. But that is not true. What we all need around weight, body image and food issues is a change of perspective.

What is the perspective change I am after? It's all about love. It's about self-love and nurturing. When the issue is food, the question is "What are you hungry for?" Is there a longing in your heart or soul that you are not hearing? Are you numbing pain and running from your true feelings? What are you believing that might be causing the pain? Do you worry that you are not lovable? Do you feel neglected? Are you lonely because you and your partner don't connect? Have you lost yourself in everyone else's needs to the point that you do not take care of your own needs? Do you even know what your needs are?

Weight, food and body image are symptoms of something going on underneath. They are not the cause. For example, what exactly is so wrong with your body? What does it actually mean to you if you have a thick abdomen from being pregnant? What is the shame about? No Really. Think about it. Does it make you any less lovable, kind, helpful, fun, wise, caring, thoughtful? What does it really mean to you?

The antidote to all this is love. It is always love. Can you find compassion for yourself? Love and compassion are what will help you to manage the underlying issues that create the behaviors you want to change. But the key is to make peace with where you are at. No matter what your size, shape or what you ate or didn't eat for dinner, the key is to make peace with where you are. And that can only come from focusing on the wonderful qualities you already possess and allowing yourself to be wounded where you are wounded. Your wounds do not make you bad, unlovable or less than anyone in the universe. In fact, your wounds are the places that can lead you to amazing strength. And your wounds are the places we as humans can turn on the love. Compassion heals all wounds. John Lennon was so right: All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.