Taking care of yourself means learning to say no

Being a mother is so much about giving. We spend our days giving to our children, our spouses, our work, our pets, our home, you get the picture. But in all this giving we forget about the one person who needs it most, ourselves. We have all heard many times the analogy of an airplane emergency. You must put on your oxygen mask first before you can help someone else. It makes sense. Yet do we really take it to heart? Personally, as much as I loved the idea of self-care and thought I understood it, I felt so tired at the end of my days that there simply was no energy left for me. I felt depleted in such a way that all that was on my mind was going to bed. Apparently my body had enough of this and decided to tell me something. I got sick. For a month I couldn’t give to anyone. All I could do is focus on myself to get better. I had no choice this time.

 
Our bodies are continuously giving us hints or little nudges as to what it needs. If you don’t pay attention then it will start to get louder until you can’t ignore it anymore. Going through this experience has taught me so much. It has made me rethink who I really am and what role I play. There is more to me than just being a nurturer to others. I also deserve to be nurtured. And this means learning to say “no”. Even if I try, I can’t please everyone and it’s impossible to please anyone if I don’t take care of myself first. I get it now. I really get it.
 
Cheryl Richardson wrote in her book The Art ofExtreme Self-Care: “…after years of practicing Extreme Self-Care, I’ve realized something ironic: if you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values and needs.”
 
As mothers we need to realize that every time we say yes to something it means that we are saying no to something else. Most of the time that “something else” is ourselves. We need to start treating ourselves like we treat others, with respect, compassion and love. And sometimes the only way to do this is by saying “no”.
 
How do you practice extreme self-care? Come to our forum and share what you do with other moms.
 
Written by Renee